Free Download [Historical Fiction Book] ↠ Alexander The Great: A Comic Biography - by William Arnett ↠
May 26, 2019 - 01:27 AM By William Arnett

Alexander was only defeated once and that was by Hephaestion s thighs Cynic Philosophers, about 2,000 years ago In this hilarious and meticulously researched biography, Humanities professor and sometime standup comic Dr Will Arnett reveals the truth about Alexander The greatest military hero of all time was also the biggest drama queen who ever lived He s Here, H Alexander was only defeated once and that was by Hephaestion s thighs Cynic Philosophers, about 2,000 years ago In this hilarious and meticulously researched biography, Humanities professor and sometime standup comic Dr Will Arnett reveals the truth about Alexander The greatest military hero of all time was also the biggest drama queen who ever lived He s Here, He s Queer And He Doesn t Like Your End Tables From Hephastion, his boyfriend of 19 years to Bagoas, his shatteringly beautiful Persian boy toy, Alexander The Great ruled as a king but lived as a queen He conquered most of the known world, unified it with a common language, imbued it with religious tolerance, and enriched it with racial diversity He founded close to 70 cities across Turkey, Asia, Central Europe and the Middle East Yet he cried easily He threatened suicide if he didn t get his way He talked in exclamation marks He loved to wear outrageous clothes Everything was an emergency He could throw hissy fits that would take Liza Minelli s breath away And he was so vain his own officers rubbed Preparation H on his ego It s the interplay between his personal fabulousness and his public greatness that makes Alexander the Great one of the most exhilarating characters in world history And so ripe for comedy As over the top as Alexander could be, he was no Liberace in fatigues If you re thinking Sean Hayes in Will Grace leading 40,000 men across the desert, think again If you re thinking Bruce Vilanch in hand to hand combat you re deluded If you re thinking Michael Musto slitting his enemy s throats with a nail file, stop thinking please, you re giving us a headache Instead, think Patton taking bubble baths, or McArthur in moo moos, or Schwarzkopf with fag hags If you locked Alexander in a room with these generals and threw in a knife, only Alexander would walk out without needing medical attention And he d walk out like Evita too On the terrace, arms out stretched, greeting the adoring crowds below A Snippet From The Book Alexander liked to shave his face This shocked his countrymen, who almost to a man sported beards Remember, the last of Cromagnon man had croaked, like, three weeks earlier If the Greeks had been born just a few generations sooner they wouldn t have been able to walk upright without dragging their knuckles across the ground Alexander rationalized his shaving as a combat advantage If the enemy couldn t grab you by the beard he d have a harder time killing you Historians have waved their bullshit detector over that one and can t decide if they believe him Let s just say there s a whole school of thought that says Alexander didn t like hair on his face for the same reason Narcissus didn t like ripples in the water it got in the way of the view Upon seeing him fresh shaven, lots of people raised their eyebrows, but nobody raised a stink You just didn t do that to the guy who kicked the world s ass In fact, Alexander started a craze and soon everyone was going bare faced Philip, Alexander s father, must have been spinning in his grave, seeing the army s energy wasted on something as girlie as shaving Christ What are we running, a spa he would have bellowed What s next, botox and chemical peels Luckily, Christ hadn t been born yet, so Philip hadn t technically taken the Lord s name in vain.
  • Title: Alexander The Great: A Comic Biography
  • Author: William Arnett
  • ISBN: null
  • Page: 153
  • Format: Kindle Edition

Comments

Lillian Francis May 26, 2019 - 01:27 AM
Parts of this are funny but other parts are trying too hard, which made it enjoyable read on places and had me rolling my eyes at the author in other parts.
Click to Replay
Carolyn May 26, 2019 - 01:27 AM
couldn't raise a smile and gave up.
Click to Replay

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Alexander The Great: A Comic Biography By William Arnett Alexander was only defeated once and that was by Hephaestion s thighs Cynic Philosophers, about 2,000 years ago In this hilarious and meticulously researched biography, Humanities professor and sometime standup comic Dr Will Arnett reveals the truth about Alexander The greatest military hero of all time was also the biggest drama queen who ever lived He s Here, H Alexander was only defeated once and that was by Hephaestion s thighs Cynic Philosophers, about 2,000 years ago In this hilarious and meticulously researched biography, Humanities professor and sometime standup comic Dr Will Arnett reveals the truth about Alexander The greatest military hero of all time was also the biggest drama queen who ever lived He s Here, He s Queer And He Doesn t Like Your End Tables From Hephastion, his boyfriend of 19 years to Bagoas, his shatteringly beautiful Persian boy toy, Alexander The Great ruled as a king but lived as a queen He conquered most of the known world, unified it with a common language, imbued it with religious tolerance, and enriched it with racial diversity He founded close to 70 cities across Turkey, Asia, Central Europe and the Middle East Yet he cried easily He threatened suicide if he didn t get his way He talked in exclamation marks He loved to wear outrageous clothes Everything was an emergency He could throw hissy fits that would take Liza Minelli s breath away And he was so vain his own officers rubbed Preparation H on his ego It s the interplay between his personal fabulousness and his public greatness that makes Alexander the Great one of the most exhilarating characters in world history And so ripe for comedy As over the top as Alexander could be, he was no Liberace in fatigues If you re thinking Sean Hayes in Will Grace leading 40,000 men across the desert, think again If you re thinking Bruce Vilanch in hand to hand combat you re deluded If you re thinking Michael Musto slitting his enemy s throats with a nail file, stop thinking please, you re giving us a headache Instead, think Patton taking bubble baths, or McArthur in moo moos, or Schwarzkopf with fag hags If you locked Alexander in a room with these generals and threw in a knife, only Alexander would walk out without needing medical attention And he d walk out like Evita too On the terrace, arms out stretched, greeting the adoring crowds below A Snippet From The Book Alexander liked to shave his face This shocked his countrymen, who almost to a man sported beards Remember, the last of Cromagnon man had croaked, like, three weeks earlier If the Greeks had been born just a few generations sooner they wouldn t have been able to walk upright without dragging their knuckles across the ground Alexander rationalized his shaving as a combat advantage If the enemy couldn t grab you by the beard he d have a harder time killing you Historians have waved their bullshit detector over that one and can t decide if they believe him Let s just say there s a whole school of thought that says Alexander didn t like hair on his face for the same reason Narcissus didn t like ripples in the water it got in the way of the view Upon seeing him fresh shaven, lots of people raised their eyebrows, but nobody raised a stink You just didn t do that to the guy who kicked the world s ass In fact, Alexander started a craze and soon everyone was going bare faced Philip, Alexander s father, must have been spinning in his grave, seeing the army s energy wasted on something as girlie as shaving Christ What are we running, a spa he would have bellowed What s next, botox and chemical peels Luckily, Christ hadn t been born yet, so Philip hadn t technically taken the Lord s name in vain.

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  • Free Download [Historical Fiction Book] ↠ Alexander The Great: A Comic Biography - by William Arnett ↠
    153 William Arnett
  • thumbnail Title: Free Download [Historical Fiction Book] ↠ Alexander The Great: A Comic Biography - by William Arnett ↠
    Posted by:William Arnett
    Published :2019-02-14T01:27:06+00:00